Truffles

Truffles are basically the standard for gourmet. You want to look snobby? Black truffle. You want to look really snobby, like massive food wank snob? you get white truffles. You broke, but still want to look like a foody? DON'T GET TRUFFLE OIL! It does not make you look fancy, it doesn't taste like truffles rung out over your plate. It tells everyone you paid way too much for olive oil and you scared it with the presence of a truffle to cover your own ass. Yes, I know the oil is a third of the price, but it's totally useless. If you can't afford the real thing, just use some fresh herbs and make it taste damn good. If it tastes amazing and it looks pretty, no one cares what's in it.

Speaking of massive food wank snobbery, do us all a favour and don't put truffle all over foie gras. They don't go, they don't like each other, and and we don't want to know this meal is costing you $100 a plate. You want to look amazing? keep them separate. Be really fancy and throw a little caviar with toast into the mix. Make it h'ors d'oeuvres.

Here, I'll do it for you. Beluga caviar with lightly buttered toast, then black truffle on vintners cheddar on a crustini, then foie gras cut thin on top of a lightly fried gaufrette. And use russets, sweet potatoes are a lame trend started because they are good for your pancreas and because everyone is a starch and carbophobe. Seriously, they are getting fried anyway, all health value is out the window. Might as well pair it properly.

*breathe*